The Professional Geriatric Care Manager’s Blog

One Week

One week ago my beloved Mother passed away.  She was my best friend and I cannot describe the pain I feel when I think about the fact that I will never hear her voice again.  She was the heart and soul of our family and everything seems different now.

Rose was on Hospice Care for 10 weeks during which time she lived out her life with dignity and grace.  It was during this time that she received her massage!  She loved it.  Our whole family worked together with the hospice to ensure all her needs were met and that she was kept as comfortable as possible.  She received Geriatric Counseling from Distinctive Care’s own Bobbi who provided our family with an Ethical Will which although short and incomplete our family will treasure always.  Bobbi encouraged my sister, brother and me to each write her a letter describing what she meant to us.  Bobbi read these letters to my Mother and she enjoyed them so much that my Mother asked other loved ones to write her a letter.  My niece, Danielle bought her a special folder to keep all her letters in and she kept the folder in bed with her at all times.  She chose to be buried with her letters in her coffin by her side along with a jar of Vicks, a box of Mallomars, a bag of spearmint leave candies, a special poem my brother had presented her with years earlier and one red rose.

The day of her funeral was not a sad day.  It was a celebration of her life and we saw to it that she left this world with the same dignity and grace by which she lived.  Those who had written her letters read them at the repast luncheon and glasses of wine were lifted to her memory.

I had been very strong through all this.  I read what I am told was a very touching eulogy and there was not a dry eye in the church except for mine.  I couldn’t imagine what was wrong with me and was terrified as to what might happen once I did begin to cry.

It hit me on Sunday.  Although I cried it was not the overwhelming waterfall I was expecting…but something very scary for someone who suffers from chronic depression happened.  I took to my bed.  This is an extremely frightening thing to happen to me as it usually means the crash will follow.  I had to do something!  So, Dan, Romeo and I went to visit my Mother.  When we arrived at her graveside I was so pleased to see that all the beautiful flowers she received had been arranged like a blanket covering her.  I didn’t say much to her…I just needed to be there.  It helped a great deal and I felt much better…thankfully I have not taken to my bed again.

Last night Bobbi and I had our monthly Alzheimer’s caregiver support group meeting and I spoke of the challenges I was facing with my Father who suffers from mixed dementia as he has had a tremendous decline in cognition since my Mother’s initial diagnosis in January and had really gone downhill since her death.  It was extremely helpful for me to get it out in the presence of others who understood my pain.

I spent the day today helping my Father with various banking issues and learned that my sister will be going back home to Florida on Thursday.  She has been here for 7 weeks caring for our Mother and it is time for her to go home.  I told her not to feel guilty, that she should go knowing she did everything she could.  At the same time I am frightened about what this is going to mean to me, my family and my life as I officially become the primary cargiver for my Father.  I was thinking I probably need a care manager!  All kidding aside, I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that I will be there every step of the way as my Fathers continues his journey.  I will practice what I preach and will accept help when it’s offered, will ask for help when it’s needed (and already have) and will be sure to practice self care because without me my Father would be lost.

I am sure I will share some aspects of our journey with you and hopefully we will be able to help each other.  I do know one thing for sure.  The past 10 weeks have made me a much better care manager and all my Clients and there caregivers will benefit from my experience.

Thank you Mom for teaching me so much right to the very end of your life.

I love you -

Sophia