The Professional Geriatric Care Manager’s Blog

Caregiver Stress and the Holidays

As we all know as joyous as the holiday season is it’s also stressful under the best of circumstances.  It can be even more stressful for those of us who are caregivers as well.  As a caregiver myself I have become acutely aware of how the change in routine can effect our loved ones and how our unrealistic expectations of what it takes to make our holidays “perfect” can stress us out.

I wanted to share with you some of the plans I have implemented this year to make my holiday more joyful and less stressful.  Hopefully some of these tips will help you as well, even if you are not a caregiver!

As many of you know, I lost my mother this year, almost 9 months ago.  One of the things that I’ve done since before Thanksgiving is to acknowledge my feelings.  I have given myself permission to feel sadness and grief and not forcing myself to be happy just because it’s the holidays.  In allowing myself to acknowledge these feelings I have found that I’ve been able to find the real meaning of the holidays and spending time with my family; especially my father, who I am the primary caregiver for.

I am trying to be more realistic about the fact that the holidays do not have to be perfect and that they clearly will not be how they were last year.  I have decided that it’s okay that things change and that this year we will be making some new traditions while cherishing my memories of the traditions my mother created.  There is no such thing as “perfect” and I can’t expect the holidays to be like they are in the movies – I don’t have a production crew assisting me!

I know that when I get stressed out I invariably get depressed so I am going to be kind to myself this year.  If things feel overwhelming with my father, I will ask my brother for help.  If I need to take a nap after work, I will do so without guilt.  I will also say “no” to the things I cannot do or choose not to do.  I will not overbook myself because if I do I will not have time or energy to enjoy the joys this season presents us with.

As far as the overbooking goes, this year I am planning ahead.  I have set aside specific days for holiday shopping, visiting with friends and planning my Christmas Eve menu and shopping list so that I am not scrambling at the last minute.  I am going to have help on Christmas Eve so that all the work is not up to me.

I have made a committment to myself to accept my family members for who they are despite the fact that more times than most they do not live up to all my expectations.  I will remind myself that others may be experiencing holiday stress and feeling depressed.

I am currently on a weight-loss program and I am not going to let the holidays become a “free-for-all” because I know that this will only lead to stress, guilt and frustration.  I will stick to the healthy habits I have been developing and have booked time for myself to get physical activity and also will try to stick to my usual bedtime because if I don’t get enough sleep I begin to get depressed.  I will also be sure to remember to do my light therapy to counteract the effects of our shorter, less sunny winter days.

My fifteen minutes…this is going to be an important part of my Christmas Eve.  Since I will be hosting Christmas Eve this year I am going to take 15 minutes before my guests are expected to arrive to take a breather…to spend 15 minutes alone and without distraction in my bedroom listening to soothing music, clearing my mind and focusing on my breathing to help me restore my inner calm.  I have also scheduled a 15 minute break to do the same thing after dinner while my enlisted help is cleaning up.

Professional help is something I am lucky enough to already have in place, but for those of you who do not, if you find yourself feeling persistently sad, anxious, unable to sleep, irritable or hopeless and palgued by physical complaints or unable to face routine chores that persist for a while, please talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and remember to take good care of yourself!