After the Holiday Visit

December 29, 2009 at 10:37 am | Posted in Sophia Heftler, GCM | Leave a Comment
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One of the things that has been a constant for me since opening Distinctive Care Geriatric Care Management in Bergen County is that after the holiday visists our phones are much busier as adult children have noticed significant changes in their parents and are concerned about what to do

Should this year’s holiday visit open your eyes to current and potential problems or negative changes in your parent’s physical or emotional state, it’s time to put a plan of action in place. First, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your elderly loved one about their present circumstances, concerns and the measures they’d like taken to make things better. Introduce the idea of a health assessment appointment with their primary care physician. Would they feel more at ease if a home health aide visited a couple times a week? Maybe they have legal questions and would greatly benefit from an appointment with an attorney. Or they may need help with housecleaning or bill paying.  While you may want to keep things light during the holiday season, do take this opportunity to collect all necessary information now to avoid frustration and confusion in the event of a crisis down the road.  Pay a visit to the local Council on Aging or Town Hall for resources and services available in your parent’s community. And get a copy of the local telephone book to take home with you – it will come in handy as you and your loved one create a “go to” list of services over time.  This list should include friends, neighbors, clergy, local professionals and all others who your family member has regular contact with. In fact, if you haven’t already, take the time to visit with those friends and neighbors and make sure you have their addresses, telephone numbers and e-mail information and make a point to provide them with your contact information as well.  Now is the time to begin compiling a to-do list to be implemented over a period of future visits. Medical information should include your loved one’s health conditions, prescriptions and their doctor’s names and contact numbers. A financial list should contain property ownership and debts, income and expenses, and bank account and credit card information. You should also have access to all of your parent(s) vital documents that could include their will, power of attorney, birth certificate, social security number, insurance policies, deed to their home, and driver’s license. And remember to give your loved ones the power and permission to be in control of their own lives – as much as is reasonable. The more systems you have in place the more your loved one will be kept independent and safe in their own home,.

Should you require assistance with this or any other matters related to the care of your older adult loved-one feel free to contact me in one of our offices located in Ridgewood, Dumont and Tenafly by calling (201) 857-5283

Caregiver Stress and the Holidays

December 14, 2009 at 10:00 am | Posted in Sophia Heftler, GCM | Leave a Comment
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As we all know as joyous as the holiday season is it’s also stressful under the best of circumstances.  It can be even more stressful for those of us who are caregivers as well.  As a caregiver myself I have become acutely aware of how the change in routine can effect our loved ones and how our unrealistic expectations of what it takes to make our holidays “perfect” can stress us out.

I wanted to share with you some of the plans I have implemented this year to make my holiday more joyful and less stressful.  Hopefully some of these tips will help you as well, even if you are not a caregiver!

As many of you know, I lost my mother this year, almost 9 months ago.  One of the things that I’ve done since before Thanksgiving is to acknowledge my feelings.  I have given myself permission to feel sadness and grief and not forcing myself to be happy just because it’s the holidays.  In allowing myself to acknowledge these feelings I have found that I’ve been able to find the real meaning of the holidays and spending time with my family; especially my father, who I am the primary caregiver for.

I am trying to be more realistic about the fact that the holidays do not have to be perfect and that they clearly will not be how they were last year.  I have decided that it’s okay that things change and that this year we will be making some new traditions while cherishing my memories of the traditions my mother created.  There is no such thing as “perfect” and I can’t expect the holidays to be like they are in the movies – I don’t have a production crew assisting me!

I know that when I get stressed out I invariably get depressed so I am going to be kind to myself this year.  If things feel overwhelming with my father, I will ask my brother for help.  If I need to take a nap after work, I will do so without guilt.  I will also say “no” to the things I cannot do or choose not to do.  I will not overbook myself because if I do I will not have time or energy to enjoy the joys this season presents us with.

As far as the overbooking goes, this year I am planning ahead.  I have set aside specific days for holiday shopping, visiting with friends and planning my Christmas Eve menu and shopping list so that I am not scrambling at the last minute.  I am going to have help on Christmas Eve so that all the work is not up to me.

I have made a committment to myself to accept my family members for who they are despite the fact that more times than most they do not live up to all my expectations.  I will remind myself that others may be experiencing holiday stress and feeling depressed.

I am currently on a weight-loss program and I am not going to let the holidays become a “free-for-all” because I know that this will only lead to stress, guilt and frustration.  I will stick to the healthy habits I have been developing and have booked time for myself to get physical activity and also will try to stick to my usual bedtime because if I don’t get enough sleep I begin to get depressed.  I will also be sure to remember to do my light therapy to counteract the effects of our shorter, less sunny winter days.

My fifteen minutes…this is going to be an important part of my Christmas Eve.  Since I will be hosting Christmas Eve this year I am going to take 15 minutes before my guests are expected to arrive to take a breather…to spend 15 minutes alone and without distraction in my bedroom listening to soothing music, clearing my mind and focusing on my breathing to help me restore my inner calm.  I have also scheduled a 15 minute break to do the same thing after dinner while my enlisted help is cleaning up.

Professional help is something I am lucky enough to already have in place, but for those of you who do not, if you find yourself feeling persistently sad, anxious, unable to sleep, irritable or hopeless and palgued by physical complaints or unable to face routine chores that persist for a while, please talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and remember to take good care of yourself!

Getting Through the Holidays

December 16, 2008 at 8:09 pm | Posted in Sophia Heftler, GCM | Leave a Comment
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Caregiving is stressful under the best of circumstances; add the stress that comes along with the holidays and what often results is caregiver burnout. There are some things you can do to make the holidays more enjoyable for all.

One very important thing you should do is to prepare family members for changes your loved one has experienced since the last family gathering. You can do this by phone, email or letter, but be sure to use plain terms to describe how your loved one has changed both physically as well as behaviorally so that your visitors know what to expect once they arrive.

Another important thing to take care of when you are preparing your family members for the visit is to let them know that you will not participate in discussions or debates on how your loved one should be cared for. Often visitors will feel they are helping by offering advice and suggestions which may feel like criticism. It’s best to let everyone know in advance that if they would like to discuss your loved ones care that you will contact them after the holidays to hear their suggestions, advice and ideas.

Remember that it’s okay to ask for help, whether it’s help in preparing dinner or assistance putting up the tree. People really want to help, so don’t be afraid to ask. Perhaps this is the year that you start a new holiday tradition and have someone else host the holiday gathering. It’s important not to push yourself too hard and to find ways to enjoy the holiday without overdoing it.

Often people don’t understand what it is like to be a caregiver and may seem unsympathetic toward your situation. It’s times like this that you should reach out to others in similar situations by attending support groups geared toward caregivers who are in similar situations whether it be an Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s Disease, Stroke or any other type of support group. At this time it is helpful to be with others who understand what you and your loved one are experiencing and who can provide support.

Most importantly remember to take care of yourself even if it means writing them down in your calendar. Be sure to get enough sleep, to exercise and to eat nutritional meals. Caring for both your body and your emotions will help you to be prepared to handle the stress that often accompanies family gatherings.

As I mentioned earlier, support groups are very helpful to people who are involved in caregiving of a loved one. I am so happy to announce that beginning in February 2009 Distinctive Care Geriatric Care Management of Ridgewood, NJ will be running a support group in Ramsey, NJ on the first Monday of each month at 6pm at the Presbyterian church. As we get closer to the date I will be providing you with additional information and details. It’s exciting to put the skills we learned during our training with the Alzheimer’s Association to work to help caregivers throughout Bergen County, New Jersey.

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