Caregiver Stress and the Holidays

December 14, 2009 at 10:00 am | Posted in Sophia Heftler, GCM | Leave a Comment
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As we all know as joyous as the holiday season is it’s also stressful under the best of circumstances.  It can be even more stressful for those of us who are caregivers as well.  As a caregiver myself I have become acutely aware of how the change in routine can effect our loved ones and how our unrealistic expectations of what it takes to make our holidays “perfect” can stress us out.

I wanted to share with you some of the plans I have implemented this year to make my holiday more joyful and less stressful.  Hopefully some of these tips will help you as well, even if you are not a caregiver!

As many of you know, I lost my mother this year, almost 9 months ago.  One of the things that I’ve done since before Thanksgiving is to acknowledge my feelings.  I have given myself permission to feel sadness and grief and not forcing myself to be happy just because it’s the holidays.  In allowing myself to acknowledge these feelings I have found that I’ve been able to find the real meaning of the holidays and spending time with my family; especially my father, who I am the primary caregiver for.

I am trying to be more realistic about the fact that the holidays do not have to be perfect and that they clearly will not be how they were last year.  I have decided that it’s okay that things change and that this year we will be making some new traditions while cherishing my memories of the traditions my mother created.  There is no such thing as “perfect” and I can’t expect the holidays to be like they are in the movies – I don’t have a production crew assisting me!

I know that when I get stressed out I invariably get depressed so I am going to be kind to myself this year.  If things feel overwhelming with my father, I will ask my brother for help.  If I need to take a nap after work, I will do so without guilt.  I will also say “no” to the things I cannot do or choose not to do.  I will not overbook myself because if I do I will not have time or energy to enjoy the joys this season presents us with.

As far as the overbooking goes, this year I am planning ahead.  I have set aside specific days for holiday shopping, visiting with friends and planning my Christmas Eve menu and shopping list so that I am not scrambling at the last minute.  I am going to have help on Christmas Eve so that all the work is not up to me.

I have made a committment to myself to accept my family members for who they are despite the fact that more times than most they do not live up to all my expectations.  I will remind myself that others may be experiencing holiday stress and feeling depressed.

I am currently on a weight-loss program and I am not going to let the holidays become a “free-for-all” because I know that this will only lead to stress, guilt and frustration.  I will stick to the healthy habits I have been developing and have booked time for myself to get physical activity and also will try to stick to my usual bedtime because if I don’t get enough sleep I begin to get depressed.  I will also be sure to remember to do my light therapy to counteract the effects of our shorter, less sunny winter days.

My fifteen minutes…this is going to be an important part of my Christmas Eve.  Since I will be hosting Christmas Eve this year I am going to take 15 minutes before my guests are expected to arrive to take a breather…to spend 15 minutes alone and without distraction in my bedroom listening to soothing music, clearing my mind and focusing on my breathing to help me restore my inner calm.  I have also scheduled a 15 minute break to do the same thing after dinner while my enlisted help is cleaning up.

Professional help is something I am lucky enough to already have in place, but for those of you who do not, if you find yourself feeling persistently sad, anxious, unable to sleep, irritable or hopeless and palgued by physical complaints or unable to face routine chores that persist for a while, please talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and remember to take good care of yourself!

Memorial Service and The “Only Child”

January 13, 2009 at 8:00 am | Posted in Sophia Heftler, GCM | Leave a Comment
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Just the other day I went to a memorial service for a Client of Distinctive Care Geriatric Care Management who had passed away. She was the mother of an only child and when I saw her adult daughter grieving it really made me think about the challenges faced by an only child caring for an elderly loved-one. Most people think about the ramifications of being an only child when they are young, but for most only children it is as they age and their parents become frail and elderly that the impact of being an only child becomes an issue.

Often the strong bond that only children share with their parents may mean that they take on the whole caregiving burden alone, often even though there are others around who are willing to help. There is a tendency to think they must sort everything out by themselves and want to give their parents the same 100% attention and dedication that they received from their parents growing up.

This often puts a strain on the only child as well on their relationships with others. Often times the only child feels torn between their own families and their jobs causing them to feel as though they are abandoning their own families and also to consider quitting their jobs to become a full-time caregiver.

Only children usually develop a strong network of friends – but need to be able to call on them during difficult times. The important thing for only children to remember is that they must let other family members and friends know what their needs are and when they need help. It is vital that only children allow themselves a break from caregiving to take time to enjoy the things they like to do.

Information and professional support are essential, though many people don’t realize how much help is available to them. Professional Geriatric Care Management is a service that can help only children cope with the challenges they face in caring for their parents. The Care Manager can assume so many of the aspects of caregiving, that the only child can get back to their own families, concentrate on their careers and get back to being the adult child of their parents.

For additional information on how Geriatric Care Management might be able to help you and your situation please contact us in our Ridgewood, NJ office at 201-857-5283. We are happy to speak with you and provide you with the information you require to “get your life back”.

Good News for Caregivers!

December 30, 2008 at 4:12 pm | Posted in Sophia Heftler, GCM | 3 Comments
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We have all heard so much about caregiver stress and the challenges that caregivers face. Caregiver stress includes both the emotional and physical strains of caregiving.

Some symptoms of caregiver stress are:

  • Frustration
  • Anger
  • Guilt
  • Loneliness
  • Exhaustion

Women account for almost 75% of caregivers that report feeling very strained emotionally, physically and financially.

Caregiving can also have it’s rewards, making the caregiver feel needed, promoting a stronger relationship with the person receiving care, providing the caregiver with the feeling of “giving back” to a loved one. Many caregivers report that they appreciate life more as a result of their experience and that caregiving has made them feel good about themselves.

I just recently read about a new study that caring for a loved one for 14 hours per week or more actually decreased their risk of death…this is the first time I have ever read anything like this and would like to share the report I read with you. You can access the full story at washingtonpost.com.

This is very important information for the care managers at Distinctive Care Geriatric Care Management and may change some of the interventions we develop for our Clients and their families in our care plans. Working together with the caregivers we can help them to find a happy medium where their caregiving responsibilities can provide positive responses while reducing the stresses involved for the caregiver.

If you are experiencing overwhelming stress in your caregiving responsibilities please don’t hesitate to contact Distinctive Care Geriatric Care Management, located in Ridgewood, New Jersey and serving Bergen, Passaic, and surrounding counties in New Jersey and Rockland, Orange and Westchester and surrounding counties in New York. We can be reached at 201-857-5283 or www.distinctivecare.net.

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